On being a Good Mother…
This morning’s message at church was on ‘how to be a good mother’. This was not surprising, it being Mother’s Day and all. This message struck me firstly because I have always had a fear of marriage and parenthood. This because of the state of my parent’s relationship. My father is the model father and husband (well, he’s not perfect, he’s just a very good example to me in my opinion) he has always put my mother and my family before himself. I think that his only real failing is in his inability to express his feelings and emotion effectively (which to be honest is a very common problem among us guys). My mother on the other hand is quite different. It is her response to my father and to us that has resulted in these fears.
Secondly, quite apart from it being a good message on motherhood, the message struck me because the principles taught can be applied to almost very station in life, not just to mothers. Here’s a summary of the points from memory…
Pastor Jason’s message was based on the biblical account of the life of Hannah and had 3 main headings: (1) Having a good Husband-wife relationship; (2) Having a good relationship with God; and (3) Having a good relationship with the children.
A Good Husband-wife relationship
As the adage goes, ‘the greatest gift a father can give his children is to love their mother’. The reverse is also true. The biblical response is for the wife to ‘submit’ to her husband, but the bottom line is that they have a good working relationship with each other that revolves around ‘love’.
Accordingly, the bible says that the wife displays her love for her husband through her willingness to submit to his leadership in the home. Unfortunately, many Christian husbands use the verse as a licence to lord over their wives, which inevitably causes unhappiness and bitterness. But I believe that this is because of a misunderstanding and misinterpretation of the verses in question (husbands are to love their wives – which means that he is to respect her and not put her down or belittle her, he is to put her interests before himself). We are told that the rationale for submission is that it is God’s created order, that as stated in the book of Genesis, the woman was from a man and created to be his companion, his ‘helper’. God therefore holds him responsible for all the decisions and the direction of the family unit. This is the reason why I believe when the ‘traditional’ gender roles are not kept to (i.e. the husband goes out to work and ‘brings home the bacon’) there is always unhappiness in the family. Despite wanting ‘equal rights’ (and don’t get me wrong, I do believe that women should be treated equal – that’s definitely biblical) women would still crave the man provide security in the home – whether it is financial or emotional. Ask any woman whether she would like to be the main or sole breadwinner in the family and I suspect that the majority would answer a resounding ‘NO’!
Although there she shouldn’t be ignored or her role marginalised, the responsibility falls squarely on the man to make the decisions for the family unit. Even if he gets it wrong (which is bound to happen – for some men more often then not) he will be held responsible. So he should make the call.
A woman’s responsibility is to understand this order and to work within it. If she is able to appreciate it, then she will be in the position to best help and support her husband. That, the bible seems to suggest would ultimately lead to happiness and contentment in the marriage and relationship. Why is this important and how is it related to motherhood, you may ask?
Well, its no secret that the child learns the most from his observations of his parents. It is not what they say or the principles and beliefs that they teach him orally that makes the biggest impression – its what they do. If a parent constantly stresses to his/her child the importance of reading the bible but doesn’t himself/herself do it, it means nothing – the child will not believe you and it wouldn’t make an impact of his/her life. Same thing if a parents tells his/her child not to resort to violence but does the same, or tells the child not to use expletives but does that very thing continually. If a child sees his/her parents having a loving, committed relationship – where the father loves his wife and the mother submits to her husband, he/she will learn to follow. He/she will also learn the importance of submission to authority instead of bitterness and rebellion.
A good relationship with God
I shall not say too much here except for the fact that, if we accept what principle contained under the first heading – that children learn the most from observing their parents, then children will only grow into godly people if their parents are godly themselves. The best way to get your children into the habit of praying and reading their bibles is to do it yourself (I say this quite apart from my beliefs that I don’t think we necessarily have to read the bible or pray every single day – but I shall leave that discussion for another time). They will never think it important until they see how important you treat it.
The other reason why this is so important is that mothers need input as well to know how best to be a good wife and mother, and this comes only from one source – God himself.
A good relationship with the children
Under this heading is where we deal with the things that we actually say in order to teach children. The most well-known bible verse in this regard is Proverbs 22:6 where it says that ‘train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it’.
It is unfortunately that our first inclination is to put this part before anything else. For many parents, I suspect they either get the order completely the wrong way around or they only stay within this heading and wonder why their efforts are largely ineffective.
Applying the principles to other situations
As I was listening to the message I had to come up with other situations, ones which directly affect me, for applications (well, I say had to because I’m neither a woman – so incapable of becoming either a mother or a wife – and I am not as yet married with children). I started thinking about how this may relate to Christians in the work place. I guess the 3 points could be adapted and reworded as such: (1) A good relationship with the employer; (2) A good relationship with God; and (3) A good relationship with colleagues.
There is a definite hierarchy in place here which must be respected and supported. Many a times I hear friends telling me how incompetent they think that their bosses are or how nasty they are. Bottom line, they are above you, for whatever reason they have been placed in a position of authority over you and as a good Christian employee you ought to submit. It doesn’t matter how they got there or whether they are the best person for the job or that ‘you think’ you can do a better job than them. They are the boss not you. Furthermore, just as a man within a family unit, he is responsible for the success or failure of his charge, not you. Since he’s the fall-guy he must also necessarily be the call-guy.
I’ve always gone to work with the mentality that I do not know everything, in fact that I know nothing. I go there to soak up and learn any and everything I can. Anything and every task that is thrown my way, I do and I do it with a smile. If I have to work late, I do it gladly. It is not because I don’t want to have any time to myself, not that I don’t want or need more rest (because I definitely do at times). Its because its my job and I believe that its very clear in the bible that this is the what the Christian work ethic is supposed to be). I do however get extremely disgusted with Christians who drag their feet to work, spend the entire work day complaining about how their rights have been infringed upon by their bosses, how they are overworked, underpaid and unappreciated. Worse still are those who spend office hours doing their ‘ministry’ work instead of their proper work (of course they justify and spiritualise it as some higher-order work, work for God).
We all need to appreciate that God wants each and every one of us to do our best at work, submit to our employers, and to do so willingly/cheerfully. This is the only way that we are to make an impact in the workplace – through our work ethic rather you’re your speech (because if you are a slacker you lose all credibility among your employers and colleagues). I don’t say any of this as someone who has accomplished it to perfection (I’m still working it out daily) but this is how this morning’s message spoke to me.
This morning’s message at church was on ‘how to be a good mother’. This was not surprising, it being Mother’s Day and all. This message struck me firstly because I have always had a fear of marriage and parenthood. This because of the state of my parent’s relationship. My father is the model father and husband (well, he’s not perfect, he’s just a very good example to me in my opinion) he has always put my mother and my family before himself. I think that his only real failing is in his inability to express his feelings and emotion effectively (which to be honest is a very common problem among us guys). My mother on the other hand is quite different. It is her response to my father and to us that has resulted in these fears.
Secondly, quite apart from it being a good message on motherhood, the message struck me because the principles taught can be applied to almost very station in life, not just to mothers. Here’s a summary of the points from memory…
Pastor Jason’s message was based on the biblical account of the life of Hannah and had 3 main headings: (1) Having a good Husband-wife relationship; (2) Having a good relationship with God; and (3) Having a good relationship with the children.
A Good Husband-wife relationship
As the adage goes, ‘the greatest gift a father can give his children is to love their mother’. The reverse is also true. The biblical response is for the wife to ‘submit’ to her husband, but the bottom line is that they have a good working relationship with each other that revolves around ‘love’.
Accordingly, the bible says that the wife displays her love for her husband through her willingness to submit to his leadership in the home. Unfortunately, many Christian husbands use the verse as a licence to lord over their wives, which inevitably causes unhappiness and bitterness. But I believe that this is because of a misunderstanding and misinterpretation of the verses in question (husbands are to love their wives – which means that he is to respect her and not put her down or belittle her, he is to put her interests before himself). We are told that the rationale for submission is that it is God’s created order, that as stated in the book of Genesis, the woman was from a man and created to be his companion, his ‘helper’. God therefore holds him responsible for all the decisions and the direction of the family unit. This is the reason why I believe when the ‘traditional’ gender roles are not kept to (i.e. the husband goes out to work and ‘brings home the bacon’) there is always unhappiness in the family. Despite wanting ‘equal rights’ (and don’t get me wrong, I do believe that women should be treated equal – that’s definitely biblical) women would still crave the man provide security in the home – whether it is financial or emotional. Ask any woman whether she would like to be the main or sole breadwinner in the family and I suspect that the majority would answer a resounding ‘NO’!
Although there she shouldn’t be ignored or her role marginalised, the responsibility falls squarely on the man to make the decisions for the family unit. Even if he gets it wrong (which is bound to happen – for some men more often then not) he will be held responsible. So he should make the call.
A woman’s responsibility is to understand this order and to work within it. If she is able to appreciate it, then she will be in the position to best help and support her husband. That, the bible seems to suggest would ultimately lead to happiness and contentment in the marriage and relationship. Why is this important and how is it related to motherhood, you may ask?
Well, its no secret that the child learns the most from his observations of his parents. It is not what they say or the principles and beliefs that they teach him orally that makes the biggest impression – its what they do. If a parent constantly stresses to his/her child the importance of reading the bible but doesn’t himself/herself do it, it means nothing – the child will not believe you and it wouldn’t make an impact of his/her life. Same thing if a parents tells his/her child not to resort to violence but does the same, or tells the child not to use expletives but does that very thing continually. If a child sees his/her parents having a loving, committed relationship – where the father loves his wife and the mother submits to her husband, he/she will learn to follow. He/she will also learn the importance of submission to authority instead of bitterness and rebellion.
A good relationship with God
I shall not say too much here except for the fact that, if we accept what principle contained under the first heading – that children learn the most from observing their parents, then children will only grow into godly people if their parents are godly themselves. The best way to get your children into the habit of praying and reading their bibles is to do it yourself (I say this quite apart from my beliefs that I don’t think we necessarily have to read the bible or pray every single day – but I shall leave that discussion for another time). They will never think it important until they see how important you treat it.
The other reason why this is so important is that mothers need input as well to know how best to be a good wife and mother, and this comes only from one source – God himself.
A good relationship with the children
Under this heading is where we deal with the things that we actually say in order to teach children. The most well-known bible verse in this regard is Proverbs 22:6 where it says that ‘train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it’.
It is unfortunately that our first inclination is to put this part before anything else. For many parents, I suspect they either get the order completely the wrong way around or they only stay within this heading and wonder why their efforts are largely ineffective.
Applying the principles to other situations
As I was listening to the message I had to come up with other situations, ones which directly affect me, for applications (well, I say had to because I’m neither a woman – so incapable of becoming either a mother or a wife – and I am not as yet married with children). I started thinking about how this may relate to Christians in the work place. I guess the 3 points could be adapted and reworded as such: (1) A good relationship with the employer; (2) A good relationship with God; and (3) A good relationship with colleagues.
There is a definite hierarchy in place here which must be respected and supported. Many a times I hear friends telling me how incompetent they think that their bosses are or how nasty they are. Bottom line, they are above you, for whatever reason they have been placed in a position of authority over you and as a good Christian employee you ought to submit. It doesn’t matter how they got there or whether they are the best person for the job or that ‘you think’ you can do a better job than them. They are the boss not you. Furthermore, just as a man within a family unit, he is responsible for the success or failure of his charge, not you. Since he’s the fall-guy he must also necessarily be the call-guy.
I’ve always gone to work with the mentality that I do not know everything, in fact that I know nothing. I go there to soak up and learn any and everything I can. Anything and every task that is thrown my way, I do and I do it with a smile. If I have to work late, I do it gladly. It is not because I don’t want to have any time to myself, not that I don’t want or need more rest (because I definitely do at times). Its because its my job and I believe that its very clear in the bible that this is the what the Christian work ethic is supposed to be). I do however get extremely disgusted with Christians who drag their feet to work, spend the entire work day complaining about how their rights have been infringed upon by their bosses, how they are overworked, underpaid and unappreciated. Worse still are those who spend office hours doing their ‘ministry’ work instead of their proper work (of course they justify and spiritualise it as some higher-order work, work for God).
We all need to appreciate that God wants each and every one of us to do our best at work, submit to our employers, and to do so willingly/cheerfully. This is the only way that we are to make an impact in the workplace – through our work ethic rather you’re your speech (because if you are a slacker you lose all credibility among your employers and colleagues). I don’t say any of this as someone who has accomplished it to perfection (I’m still working it out daily) but this is how this morning’s message spoke to me.
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