Spiritual Gossips?

One topic that has been on my mind (on and off) for awhile, and was raised again over the weekend, is that of gossip. So what is it?

According to my Concise Oxford Dictionary (10th ed), it is nothing more than, “casual conversation or unsubstantiated reports about other people” or “a person who likes talking about other people’s private lives” (when used in a derogatory sense).

Now the first definition is very broad and does not suggest anything morally reprehensible. It is mere casual conversation about someone else. It doesn’t necessarily have to contain negative information, malicious intentions nor does it have to cause the listener to leave with a lower opinion of the subject of the conversation. In fact, the consequences seem to be completely irrelevant where the definition is concerned. Even when used as a derogatory term to describe someone, the only negative seems to be the invasion of privacy – the gossip likes to talk about other people’s private lives. So from the two offerings from my Oxford Dictionary two negatives emerge – (1) unsubstantiated reports and (2) invasion of privacy – nothing particularly reprehensible.

This leads me to think that since we are constantly told in Christian circles that gossip is wrong, this definition is perhaps insufficient. So how then is gossip defined in the bible, if at all, and why is it bad?

A cursory search of the entire bible (NIV) reveals only 10 verses where the specific word “gossip” appears, a majority of them coming from the book of proverbs. Those which are relevant to the discussion are listed below in chronological order:

Proverbs 11:13 – “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret”

Proverbs 16:28 – “A perverse man stirs dissension, and a gossip separates close friends”

Proverbs 18:8 (26:22) – “The words of a gossip are like (choice) morsels; they go down to a man’s inmost parts”

Proverbs 20:19 – “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much”

Proverbs 26:20 – “Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down”

3 John 1:8-9 – “I wrote to the church, but Diotrephes, who loves to be first, will have nothing to do with us. So if I come, I will call attention to what he is doing, gossiping maliciously about us. Not satisfied with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers. He also stops those who want to do so and puts them out of the church”

I think that these verses enable us to decipher a number of characteristics of gossip and pitfalls to avoid.

First and foremost, the word translated here as “gossip” is translated in other translations as “whisperer”. That alone suggests that it is the manner that the communication is conducted that is the problem. It is a secret, covert operation – something done ‘behind one’s back’.

Secondly, it is a breach of confidence. Both Proverbs 11:13 and 20:19 explicitly refers to a ‘betrayal’ of confidence. This necessarily implies that there was direct communication of the relevant information between the subject and the gossip (ie the subject communicated something to the gossip in confidence). In addition, these verses necessarily suggest that there was an expressed or implied request for non-disclosure which was likewise communicated. Furthermore, Proverbs 18:8 and 26:22 adds that since such information is of a private nature, it is ‘juicy’ or sensational when communicated to others. That’s perhaps why it may cause so much damage.

3 John 1:8-9 seems to suggest that there must also be a malicious intent involved. This is somewhat confirmed by the above mention point on the secrecy and covert nature of the gossip’s work as well as the desire to be the bearer of ‘juicy’ news (selfish motives).

And finally, it would seem that one possible result of gossip is one where the subject’s relationship with others is adversely affected ie gossip may cause a rift in (or destruction of) a friendship, or cause others to be biased against him (Proverbs 16:28).

Combined with the secular definition above, we have 4 points of definition – Gossip is/are:

1. Unsubstantiated reports;
2. Communicated in secret (covertly);
3. In breach of an expressed or implied request for secrecy/non-disclosure;
4. Intentionally malicious (or at the very least negligent)

This also means that where these points are not accounted for, it is not gossip. In other words, where statements are:

1. Substantiated or true reports;
2. Communicated openly;
3. Not in breach of any expressed or implied request for secrecy/non-disclosure ie the subject did not tell you in confidence (implied request) or specifically tell you not to tell others;
4. Not malicious (or grossly negligent);

they are not gossip.

However, it is precisely in Christian circles that gossip is at its most prevalent and damaging. The irony is that it is the very people who claim a high level of spiritual maturity who are the biggest culprits. They often veil their gossip as concern – communicating it to people with authority over the subject (eg parents, pastors, or group leaders) or by prefixing/suffixing their gossip with statements like, “I’m telling you this so that you can pray…”

Many a time, these people have not bothered to substantiate the information first (neglient), and/or wouldn’t have the guts to say it in front of the subject (lest they be confronted or exposed), and/or know that the subject would want such information to be kept secret (breach of confidence), and/or without regard (malicious or grossly negligent) to the potential negative consequences that would almost certainly result from their communication (eg a breakdown of relationships). It all seems so pious, but they are messengers from hell, leaving flaming fires in their wake.