Hated... justified, falsely accused or casualty?

I’ve had a really see-saw week. Some days were good, others were very difficult to get through. The irony is that it had nothing really to do with the nature or scale of my work. In fact, it had nothing whatsoever to do with work. As usual, I don’t get stressed with work – that I’m enjoying every minute of! I only get troubled with relationships.

I’ve been sharing an office with this girl who for some reason seems to have it in for me. I met her in Leicester University during my time there. She was an exchange student from NUS, in Leicester for a year or 6 months (I don’t remember exactly). I thought/think she’s really pretty, but apart from an introduction and perhaps offering her and her housemates a ride home after a party, I never spoke to her (mostly because it seemed that all the Singaporean guys were always surrounding her and that I really didn’t like crowds). I had also moved back to Birmingham quite soon after that and was very rarely in Leicester.

The next time I bummed into her was at this firm. At which time she already didn’t seem too pleased to see me (although it could have been because she was really stressed with work or was rushing somewhere). I again didn’t speak to her because, although she’s on my friendster list, we weren’t exactly friends (if you know what I mean).

2 weeks ago, I was relocated because of space constraints into her new office. She was on ‘call break’ and so I had the office entirely to myself for a week. I have to say that I somehow sensed that it wasn’t the best of moves (although I didn't have any say in it) and that she wouldn’t appreciate it when she found out. I was not wrong. When she came back, it was very obvious that she was not pleased to put it mildly. This made it all the more difficult to be there.

I have to say that I really cannot figure this out. I can’t understand how I could possibly have done anything to warrant this level of hostility, especially since I’ve never really had much interaction with her. This led me to think that it must have been something that she had either heard or something that I did to someone else. But what? As mentioned, during that year that she was there, I wasn’t in Leicester much at all. After all, I lived in a completely different city!

Then I remembered that there were 2 people that I could’ve offended during that time. The first was this undergraduate student, who initially seemed to ‘like’ me quite a bit. He would call me, introduce me as, and tell everyone to call me, ‘sir’ because I was teaching on the undergraduate course at the time (to be honest it was really unnecessary and I really didn’t like the attention I was receiving). He had later confided in me that he had never wanted to come to Leicester, but instead had always wanted to go to either Oxford or Cambridge (don’t we all?). He then added that he intended to do very well in his 1st year examinations and then transfer to one of those Universities. I told him that, although I wish him well and hoped he is able to fulfil his plans, I had never seen it done before, wasn’t sure it was even possible, and that he should probably (for his own sake) keep these plans to himself. This was because, in the event that he isn’t able to fulfil it (which he didn’t in the end) people are likely to use it against him. This I thought was fair and good advice, although it seemed that after awhile, he became quite hostile towards me.

The second person was this girl who was apparently interested in my friend. It seemed that while she was ‘sleeping’ with him, she was also having a similar relationship with another guy at the same University. This information was apparently quite public, although I suspect that by the time I got wind of it, it was old news (I do personally try to steer clear from this kind of things). She asked me out once (after bumming into each other in the library) on the pretence of asking my help/advice on what to do with her ‘relationships’. She told me how she really liked both these guys and that she couldn’t choose between them.

I told her that from the way that she spoke of the situation, that it was clear to me that she had already made her decision about what she was going to do. As such it seemed to me that our conversation was really rather pointless. I concluded that she was attempting to seek a confirmation which I was unable and unwilling to provide. I then proceeded to say that, bearing in mind the facts stated above, she was the type of girl that really scared me and that the type that I would normally stay away from. I guess this was rather insensitive of me (perhaps it was the fact that by this time it was already rather late in the evening). But I felt that it was justified, perhaps because I had, at that point, recently gotten out of a similar destructive relationship. Perhaps I brought my own soreness, bitterness and hurt into my assessment of the situation between her and those 2 guys. Needless to say, we weren’t and were never to be good friends after that incident.

The reason why I wonder whether either or both of these incidences have something to do with this girl behaving this way towards me is that, if I’m not wrong, they both had substantial interaction with this girl. I really cannot say with any certainty the extent of their relationship as I was not in Leicester very often. The only other alternative was that in some previous life I had done something terrible like destroy her entire village or something, but I doubt it (besides, I don’t believe in previous lives).

I’m truly sadden by the whole situation (between this girl and I). She did/does seem to be a really nice person, just not to me. I have resisted any urge to think otherwise, even telling friends who have observed the situation that I think that generally she’s a nice person. Its not because I think I’m an angel or trying to portray myself as the ‘bigger’ person (certainly not!). I just really don’t see the point of making any more of this situation. So my approach was to ‘pretend’ as much as I can that the hostility doesn’t exist – in other words to play dumb and ignore it. I just want to do the job and do it well. But I have to say, its not been very easy at all. It does hurt. Although I have not and feel that I cannot verify this, I believe she has been telling others about her ‘plight’ of being stuck in the same office as me. On one occasion I believe that she was doing just that over the phone, while I was in the room!

To avoid all this, I decided this week to get myself attached to the litigation department at the firm and to shadow some of them. It has certainly made the week so much easier to get through. I actually ended up really enjoying myself too! Although I doubt that I would ever want to be a litigation lawyer, I believe I’ve learnt quite a lot and found the whole experience very exciting. It has also helped keep me out of the office.

I also found out yesterday that I will be shifting office as I’m joining another department at the firm. I suppose that this itself was an answer to prayer (on both our parts). I think it would certainly be for the best. Both of us would be much happier and more relaxed - able to work more effectively. Still I maintain that she is a good person. I wish her well and I know she will do very well for herself. I further hope that this whole unfortunate situation will be resolved and that someday (hopefully sooner rather than later) she will ‘forgive’ whatever I am supposed to have done, and that we can at least be civil with each other.